Valentine’s Weekend Gone Wrong

The old friends thought it would be awkward, but they didn’t realize that not much had changed.

They hit it off right away. The Galentine’s, gossiped with each other, speeding down the highway in their Mini Prius, and jumping enthusiastically in their seats. It was shaping up to be a weekend they wouldn’t forget.

Harriet, the oldest woman in the car who was sitting up front and fidgeting in her seat, wore a sweet blue dress. She looked over at their driver.

Julia was the youngest of their group, and was sporting a frazzled bun tied at the top of her head that was being squished against the ceiling. Her smile flashed, as she sped around an old woman in a tan chevy. Once clear, she looked around the car and said, “I’m so glad to have my Galentine’s today.”

In the back seat Joseph and Sally, who were sharing a small bottle of vodka, agreed. Joseph and Sally exchanged a look as Harriet wondered aloud. “So, what’s the first thing we want to do when we get there?”

“Well, the first thing I want to do is find out where the jacuzzi is,” Julia announced, her round lips curling into a sinister grin.

“Yeah, I don’t know if I want to have jacuzzi children though?” Sally commented from the back, tossing her black hair behind her shoulder.

Just then, Julia pulled her phone out of her pocket and examined it out of the corner of her eye. “Is it okay if I invite a friend to our Galentine’s Weekend?”

“Yeah we can add whoever we want to the reservation,” Harriet boasted.

“Who are you inviting?” Joseph inquired, tipping his bald head sideways as he leaned forward and stared at Julia.

“He’s someone I met at a party.”

“Him?”

“Yeah he’s Bisexual..” She added, “we don’t really have any chemistry.”

Joseph started to respond “wha—”

A single beat interrupted him, It’s Brittany Bi@*# suddenly came on the radio. His gay genes vibrated instinctually to the music and the gay commandment caused him to flail his arms about.

“Easy,” Sally complained.

“I love this song, though.”

Joseph danced off-beat for a few minutes before Harriet finally spoke up, “okay let’s play a game.”

“What kind of game?”

“We can do that fu –”

“Hold on Harriet, I heard that Doug left you at a gas station?” Julia asked, innocently batting her clumpy eyelashes.

Harriet answered, “yeah there are some really nice attendants at Shell.”

“Well, I think you’re so much better off,” Sally chimed in.

“Come on,” Joseph shouts, “this is Galentine’s weekend, were not allowed to talk about boys.”

“Okay fair enough,” they agree in unison.

“So back to that ga –” Harriet starts when she is interrupted with a resounding, “no thanks,” from everyone around.

As they begin to climb the steep mountain with their Mini Prius, the car’s engine revved and sputtered.

“So, do you guys remember the teacher from Sociology 101?” Julia asked.

 â€œMr. Johnson?” Joseph questioned.

“Yeah, he just texted me the other day.”

Harriet rolled her eyes as she leaned her head against the window to watch the landscape in motion.

“Yeah,” Julia continued, “he was telling me how pretty I was…and all this stuff…I guess he’s still married though.”

“You are SOOO bad.” Joseph and Sally giggled together in the back seat.

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Are you still talking with him?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god, I’m not even going to lie.” Sally confessed, “I have been so horny these last few days. I haven’t had a chance to really go in because of roommates.”

Harriet shot a glare back at her, “why don’t you just rub one out then?”

Joseph cleared his throat, “so I can totally relate to that mood—”

“Because” Sally replied, “I need the power of industrial machines!”

“Girls, have you heard of mangasms?”

Everyone shook their heads.

Joseph explained. “They’re like psychic orgasms. You can get them with just one look. I’ve heard they can happen if there is incredible chemistry.”

“I need one of those.” Sally admitted.

By the time they finally pulled into the parking lot the car was completely exhausted.

Piling out of the tiny red vehicle they looked around. Wooden handrails had been carved on the outside edge of the parking lot. It was dark now, but the sky was lit by bright stars. They could see energetic shadow silhouettes moving behind the windows in the distance. So, they walked towards the light.

The lobby expanded as they walked in, Joseph looked around to see fresh flowers hanging from the walls, a fireplace flickering across from the check in counter, and a bar that looked mighty appealing at the end of the room. Harriet strolled in front of him, “I made the arrangements under my name.”

“Wow, they did some upgrades, from the last time we were here.” Sally remarked noticing the shine on the wood.

“Yeah, this place switched owners.” Harriet explained.

“Was it because of his coke problem?”

Julia interrupted, “oh yeah, that killer party from college? I was railing all night against –”

“Hello,” Harriet interrupted as they all leaned against the counter.

The attendant gulped, “hi, ma’am, how can I help you?”

“I made a reservation under Harriet.”

“Oh yes of course.”

“Just so you know I don’t have a problem,” Julia explained, “I’ve found another white thing that is more important to me.” Three glaring eyes shot towards her, “I’m still in remission.”

The attendant slipped the key card across the counter and signaled, “to the left.”

“Thank you,” Harriet swiped the keycards from the countertop and hurried away.

“Okay, that was weird…remission?” Joseph asked as they walked down the hallway to the left. Hastening towards their room, they noticed the walls were covered in pictures of elk and bear mounts.

“I meant sober.”

“Wow you really couldn’t have thought of the word sober in that moment?”

“To be fair the attendant was kind of sexy,” Sally rolled her shoulders.

Harriet slipped the keycard into the reader above the door handle. Click, she popped the door open and stepped back, allowing her friends to rush ahead.

As they hurried in, Joseph immediately flew towards a furry wall at the other end of the wide-open living room.

Julia stepped down into the living room and allowed herself to fall into the velvet couch, flipping the 100’’ television on.

Sally ran immediately to explore the granite and marble bathroom. Her mouth dropped when she noticed the strange buttons on the side of the toilet. It was unexpected, but she giggled as she felt the pressure of a stream of water against her backside. One by one she tried every button until she had lost track of time.

“Wow this place is amazing,” Joseph said finally tearing himself away from the wall.

“There’s a fancy toilet in there!” Sally shouted, returning to the living room.

Joseph, who had immediately wrapped his arm around Sally suggested, “let’s go see if there are any other lonely Galentines by the bar.” They all began walking out of the room, “then we can cozy up by the fire and talk about our favorite recipes.”

“I seriously need that,” Harriet moaned.

At the bar, Joseph ordered for everyone. “Three martinis and a soda water please.”

They took a sip together, “cheers to Galentine’s,” Harriet announced.

“Cheers!” they replied.

Julia felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, pulled it out, read the text, and giggled.

“Who’s that?” Joseph asked.

“Oh, it’s Charles.”

“Who’s that?”

“My friend,” Julia explained, “He says he’s been watching us, and he’s going to come introduce himself.”

“Your friend?”

“Yeah, like I told you he was coming.”

That’s when something strange walked out from behind the corner. A tall lumbering creature covered in white fur with patches of dirt clumped on his arms and legs. On his face tiny black dots poked out from beneath a mountain of white scruff, and if he was smiling, it was difficult to discern what kind of expression he was making.

“Oh my goodness…” the group concealed their shock.

“Hi Charles,” Julia greeted him with a cheerful squeak. They hugged for a little too long before Julia introduced them. “This is Sally, Joseph, and Harriet.”

“Hi, wow so good to meet you.” Joseph said as he finished one drink, signaling the bartender to make him two more.

Charles introduced himself, “nice to meet you.”

It was awkward for a moment before Sally asked, “so how did you two meet?”

“Oh, that is a funny story.” Julia started, “I was totally drunk one night and walking home from downtown. Well, there was this guy in the street, right, and at first I was like is he going to rob me?”

Charles’ deep voice chuckled and asked, “didn’t we have fun that night?”

She giggled before continuing, “yeah I was so drunk, and he led me home like a gentleman then tucked me in like a gentleman.”

When she stopped gazing up in his eyes and looked down at her friends, she saw their jealous faces.

“Anyways, I just want to cheers to being single on Valentine’s day.” She raised her glass and winked at her friends.

Like a switch their dispositions shifted, “cheers.”

“Haha, yes cheers to being single.”

Clink, their glasses toasted and before anyone could register silence Sally pointed a question towards Charles, “so how was the drive up?”

“Oh I walked.”

Julia, Sally, and Joseph cooed “you are so resourceful.”

“So, where did you grow up?” Joseph asked.

“Just on the other side of the mountain,” Charles answered.

Joseph insisted, “wow so you’re a real local then, that is AMAZING.”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“Charles,” Julia pulled at his arm, “tell them about all the hunting you do.”

“Hold on a second, I’ll be right back,” he explained as he stepped away towards the restroom.

Harriet was the first to whisper shout, “why did you invite him?”

Everyone looked in his direction to make sure he hadn’t heard.

“Easy there,” Sally touched Harriet, “he’s fine.”

“Are you kidding me you think that is fine?” Harriet responded.

“Wow!” Joseph straightened up, posturing towards Harriet, “I can’t believe you would say there is something wrong with him.”

“I knew you would judge him,” Julia interjected.

Harriet spun around, “I thought you didn’t have any chemistry.”

“I don’t know if we do,” Julia complained.

“You are totally ruining girl’s night,” Harriet hissed, “I mean you all are this close to sucking him off under the table.”

Then it hit them. “Oh, I thought you were talking about…. something else…”

Harriet continued, “I mean how is this going to be a proper Galentine’s Weekend if you’re all competing over the same mansiziss.

“Okay well we can get out of here, I mean I don’t want anything to get between our girl power.” Joseph concluded.

“Okay. Good idea.”

As Joseph took his two drinks in hand he stepped away from the table, “do you wanna play card games in the room?”

“I thought you wanted to get a mangasm?” Julia asked

“Oh, I guess there are more important things.”