Melinda Becomes a Maid

Melinda is getting in an argument with her husband the Ex President.  She refused to work another day. That’s when Ex President Turnip turned to her and laying his head in his hands, “I didn’t want to have to do this to you Melinda.” He sighed, “if you don’t continue working with Peter and Rafael I will be forced to cancel brunch.”

The thought brought Melinda to tears. “I would never threaten you like that.”

“Yeah well life isn’t fair. Look at me,” he threw his chest out, “it was completely rigged.”

Melinda’s thoughts began to wander as Turnip turned away from her to begin a long monologue.

What should I do about my hair for the Gala this Friday evening. She thought, I wonder what we are supporting this month? If it’s the Karen Committee I will have to be sure to bring my ear plugs. Oh those are so great, that he got me for Christmas, I wonder what he’ll give me this year?

Turnip swiveled back towards her the final words on his breathe being, “and that is why I started using dude wipes.”

“Of course honey,” she said, pushing him towards the door, now don’t you have some work to do?

He nudged around her towards the bed, “I deserve some rest, don’t you think?”

She clasped her hands tight, her knuckles becoming red. “I guess I will go to work then.”

“Great, I hope you don’t mind if I invite some strippers over later.” He inquired suddenly tagging on at the end, “they are Ricky’s good friends.”

“Have a great nap honey!” She whisper screamed as she left the room.

When she arrived to clock in at the computer terminal, she swiped her card and typed in her code. The screen lit up with a large red box that communicated there was an error.

Once more she tried, but the system had locked her out. Her right leg shaking with impatience she waited there. Finally a manager showed up, “hey you clock in!”

Melinda shook her head, “I’ve been locked out.”

“Oh, that is your fault,” he explained as he walked over, “you were late. If you are late, you aren’t able to clock in unless a manager gives you permission.”

“Oh sure, this has been very productive.”

“Hey, I’m actually really happy that we ran into each other like this.”

“Why is that?”

He continued, “we have had an incident with a baby and a wild pig that really needs to be addressed, and by addressed, I mean I need you to clean it up.”

Melinda nodded her head

“Okay so, if you need masks, there are none left, we recommend you use your elbow.”

They stared at each other for a few awkward moments, before he marched in the other direction, “good luck,” he whistled the command in a sing song voice as he turned the corner.

As she approached the room, the smell became stronger. An undetectable mixture between fecal matter, vomit, and orange hung in the air, growing in intensity. Choking on the smell she lifted her shirt around her mouth and covered her face with both hands. It didn’t help. Unable to even enter the room, she grabbed a few towels and gagged herself with clean white linens tied around her face.

Carefully she stepped into the room and looked around with eyes wide in horror. Was this a crime scene? It wasn’t long before Peter had stuck his head in the doorway with his fingers clenching his nose shut, “don’t forget we need this turned over in the next twenty minutes.”

“That’s—“

Peter raised his eyebrow, as if daring her to say it. “What?”

She rushed past him and grabbed the cart wheeling it into the room. There wasn’t enough time to worry about safety protocols, this had to get done, and she couldn’t risk the consequences. She thought back on her conversation with her husband and bit her lip.

Every surface she doused in cleaning solution, rubbing vigorously into the carpets and on the walls, and then in the bathroom, the situation quickly grew out of control.

Inside the toilet was a large brown stone, that was causing the water to clog and over flow. It was soaking the floors and the puddle was quickly reaching the carpet.

She jumped into the toilet elbows deep.

Pulling with all her weight she leaned back and stretched. “Ugh,” she wrestled some more with the heavy object. “Agh,” she continued to fight against it, until finally she fell back, completely covered in the slimy substance.

Her body become unconscious in that moment, and when she woke up she was still in the room, “Oh thank god,” Peter’s voice was outside the door, “I’ve been waiting here for hours for you to return. You need to get this room clean. I’m not going to be able to pay for your little nap by the way.”

Standing up it came over her with simple clarity. First, her clothes and skinned all needed to be burned, and second she was better than this.

She walked past the man, shit spilling off her as she stepped down the hall, “I quit.” She explained, “Brunch be damned.”

Credit:

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